For Jamie
by Maymist
Summary: Just as the title says. Tina x Jamie


For Jamie

Tina rummaged through her belongings and let out a sigh for what seemed like the hundredth time today. How long has it been exactly? Days… Weeks... Months… A year now? Who knows. The brunette farmer who adores the color pink wasn't counting. All she knows is that she hasn't been the same ever since her rival Jamie decided to not have her in his life anymore, for reasons she doesn't know.

At first it was very hard for Tina to get close to Jamie; he wouldn't let anyone in, but after awhile and after some major, major playful teasing towards him, the spunky pig-tailed farmer had finally managed to befriend him. Yes – Jamie found her very, very, VERY annoying on a daily basis, but at the same time he secretly enjoyed her company, and he warmed up to her in his own little-subtle-Jamie-emo-ice-cold-way. In order to understand Jamie language here's a translation for it: the constant "leave me alone" sentence gradually became "don't leave" in disguise, and "you're annoying" translates to "I like when you annoy me" and those are just only a few examples.

Tina and Jamie were both farmers and rivals, and despite their different personalities they were very alike in mostly every way, which Jamie had a hard time believing that whenever Tina told him just that. Yes – the two rivals competed in many festivals and Jamie was very competitive, but Tina always kept that dumb smile on her face no matter what. It annoyed Jamie to no end but at the same time it secretly put him at ease, there's no way that he'll ever tell her that though.

Everyday Tina used to visit Jamie's farm and would tease/annoy him with her bubbly-carefree voice, and he usually ended up yelling at her so many times for always trespassing, but Tina always gave him her secret weapon: potatoes. Jamie loves potatoes. She knew that they were his weakness and that they always made him almost smile. Okay – scratch that, he started smiling a little bit after she gave him the third potato. Tina loves to see his smile. In fact Tina loves everything about him. His purple hair, his blue eyes, his fashionable and colorful poncho, his pants, his hat, his shoes, his voice, his laugh if he ever laughed, his grumpy attitude, and just everything about him. Before she knew it, she was in love with the ice-cold purple haired farmer. She didn't have a sole reason on why she loved Jamie though, she just did. There's no explaining it. She loves him for him just being him: flaws and all; she loves everything about that dude. No matter freaking what.

For years Tina visited and talked with Jamie everyday; they were inseparable even though it looked like half of the time that Jamie wanted to shove a sock in the freaking girl's mouth because she wouldn't shut up. Naïve, stupid, and innocent…that's what he thought of her most of the time, but at the same time he knew he needed her. She was his light in this cruel/evil/messed up world. She made him want to smile and laugh all of the time, but he held himself back from doing all that. Doing those sorts of things were weak in his eyes, but never in his life did he ever think that he would need someone, especially a girl like Tina… He even mumbled those exact words to her once, but Tina pretended like she didn't hear because she was too in shock and for once didn't want to embarrass him.

Now he doesn't need her. He suffers in silence and pushed her away. They haven't spoken in almost…who knows. It feels like a thousand years to her, honestly.

Everyday Tina's heart aches. She cries when no one is around. When she's working on the farm all she does is think about him. At night she constantly prays for him to be happy and to do well in life, even if he doesn't want her around. She has trouble sleeping, the thoughts of him keeping her awake. There's bags under her eyes. Even in her dreams she can't escape Jamie. Around the other villagers she acts like she's the happiest girl in the world and fakes about a thousand smiles everyday, when the truth is that those smiles just make her heart ache. How can she truly smile when he's gone? It feels like he died. But he's there. He's living on his farm. He's alive and breathing, but doesn't want her in his life anymore. Tina kind of understands. After all, she is very annoying and can say stupid things, but truly without him in her life she feels all alone…

She would talk to him in a heartbeat if she could, but doesn't want to force her existence into his life anymore. She doesn't want to make his life any harder. She wants him to be happy, with or without her. Tina used to be so positive about love, but now… she's aware that it exists but seems about 99% certain that she'll never obtain that same love that she felt with him. And she doesn't want anyone else, sadly. But she knows she has to try or else she'll always be sad like this. Plus, he even wants her to forget about him it seems, so she's trying, but it's impossible; because she knows that she can't and doesn't _want_ to forget.

She wonders how she can pretend that she never knew Jamie, like it was all a dream... but she knows it's impossible. She's glad that he is fine without her, but what is she suppose to do now? How will she become fine? She doesn't know. But she's trying to be fine.

Yeah – during this silence between them, Tina has tried moving on and has been trying to go on other dates with both that Kurt guy or that Alex guy, but it's never the same. Tina always finds herself still being hopelessly in love with Jamie and it frustrates her onto no level. It's not like her and Jamie ever went out or anything, but she's still in love with him. Tina knows that a part of her will always love Jamie, but that the other parts of her are slowly learning to let him go…no matter how much it hurts. The reason why she's trying to date other people is because Jamie will never look her way; he probably never loved her like she loves him, anyway. So there's no point. He never loved her and that constantly replays in her mind, yet she still loves him. There's a saying that the only way to get over someone is to fall in love with someone new, but Tina knows how hard that is to do, but she's still trying.

Tina even considered herself lucky to even have befriended him once before. She'd give anything to be his friend again now, but he doesn't want her in his life anymore, he doesn't need her anymore. And Tina thinks that's fine. She's not one to give up, especially on Jamie, but if she's just holding him back and if he truly doesn't want her around anymore, then she'll truly leave him alone.

Tina takes a deep breath whenever she walks by his door or farm. She knows he's there but can't see him anymore. She's been a stranger to herself and him ever since they fell apart. She feels so helpless and full of fear, it never stops. He's just somebody that she used to know now... That's it.

Tina blames herself. For being too annoying, for teasing him too much, for saying the wrong things, for being too naïve, and the list just goes on and on…

She remembers a long, long time ago where Jamie surprisingly told her to never leave him. Tina never left Jamie. Jamie left her. And the agonizing pain only gets worse and worse with each day for Tina. Sometimes she feels numb, she distracts herself every chance she gets to not think of Jamie, but she knows it's futile. When she's alone...the memories and thoughts of him always invade her heart and mind. No matter what. Her heart has grown empty, and no one knows or no one can tell. Tina is concealing so much and doesn't want others around her to ever feel this kind of pain, not even Jamie.

She's scared to feel again. Scared of so much. She fears she will never feel that way again, that she'll never fall in love again. Who would love a person like her anyway? No wonder Jamie doesn't want her around in his life anymore... What was she thinking? He'd never love her.

Tina was nothing but annoying to Jamie, anyway.

She should have done more, she should of said more, she messed up so many times and wasn't even aware until it was too late. Now Tina only feels pain...loneliness...emptiness...unwanted...regretful...everything.

Tina suffers in silence.

Jamie couldn't care less.

If Tina had a second chance to be his friend again at least once, she would do it right this time. She wouldn't bother him so carelessly, she wouldn't be so annoying, she wouldn't tease him, she would be more considerate, she would give him space, and she would do whatever she could to help him in any way and make him happy.

If Tina never gets a second chance though, that's okay too.

Whatever makes Jamie the happiest!

It's just a bummer to Tina though… She has all of these happy memories with him and they won't go away, they even haunt her in her dreams. Jamie said to just get over it and she's trying, she really is, with all of her might, but forgetting him is almost impossible. Everything just reminds her of him, wherever she goes.

She'll never be the same after loving Jamie, she knows that all too well.

He's the piece of her that she wished she didn't need. Tina wishes she could take all of his pain onto herself so he wouldn't have to feel it instead. All Tina wants to do is to shower Jamie with love. She would do anything for him. Anything.

No matter what happens, Tina will always forgive Jamie.

Tina just wants Jamie to know that she's sorry for everything and that she thanks him for everything too.

Take care, Jamie.

 _I love you._


End file.
